The Sin of Cowardice (Respectable Sins Series)

[00:00:10] Alright, let's get the show on the road. So we're going to be doing a series. We started this last week but we decided to actually make this a series because it was such an interesting conversation

[00:00:22] that Paul and I have been having about what we're calling invisible vices or vices that aren't normally associated with being

[00:00:33] Lester known, Lester known. Lester, Lester, Lester, Lester, Lester. Not that they're literally invisible. You can observe them. But we did a series on, we're back at the Young's book, Glittering Vices, which she talks about the seven deadly vices and seven deadly sins.

[00:00:47] And you got like glutany, anger, anger, all that stuff. So the standard heavy hitters. But this is interesting because we've been talking about what are some vices that we don't pick up on or can be masqueraded as virtues.

[00:01:02] Things that we don't tend to think of as sinful or part of a disorder desire, things like that. And I think in the church this can happen a lot where somebody who seems very humble is actually cowardly.

[00:01:18] But it seems like being, quote unquote, Christ like being like Jesus, whatever. Somebody could be people pleasing and they sound like they're loving.

[00:01:29] But actually they're serving themselves. So that's where I think a ghost of what he talks about sin being curved in on yourself is a helpful metaphor, helpful image because it's not so much about you hurting other people. Maybe that's why these are more invisible sins or more respectable sins. Maybe that's what we should call it. Respectable sins.

[00:01:48] Is that they don't seem to outwardly harm other people. In fact, they can even seem like it's benefiting other people but in reality it's still as self centered as something that be more explicitly harmful for somebody else. So we talked about today talking about cowardice.

[00:02:06] And describe, I mean we talked about this how you just understand virtue. There's like virtue is the proper mean between two extremes.

[00:02:17] But also between the two extremes there's actually one if you're going to if you're going to go extreme it's better to be this extreme than the other. They're not equally bad. So how do you put? How do you put cowardice on that spectrum?

[00:02:31] But if you think of there are two think about like what fear is there's an appropriate response to fear and courage is just the appropriate response to fear. That's how to deal with fear well.

[00:02:43] And then there are bad ways in dealing with fear. There's an overfeering and then there's an underfeering and those are the two that we call vices. So overfeering would be cowardice and underfeering would be rationalists.

[00:02:55] And we can flesh those out more specifically and you can even think of it as a spectrum where there's lots of different ways to deal with fear.

[00:03:03] And on one end you have just being afraid of everything to every extent and just you know you can't even stand in a room and somebody because you're so gripped by fear.

[00:03:13] And the other extreme is the person who has no concept of fear at all and is just like beyond a thrill junkie totally in dangering their lives. Encourages just the disposition that helps you deal with fear well it's the right response to fear.

[00:03:30] So it this reminds me of in Proverbs the person who's talking about there's a line out in the streets so they don't go out and do anything.

[00:03:38] Just a verse a verse into any kind of negative situation and then you're saying the opposite extreme would be you're just full heart. You just you just barrel through and yeah you're just not thinking about anything you're not considering anything.

[00:03:53] You're just being irrational and stupid basically being you're being an idiot. Both are bad both are bad but actually the rash person is better than the coward.

[00:04:03] Okay, or someone says this a question says this a coin it says this why is that I mean think of it think about what comes easier to our nature which is easier to fear or to rush headlong into danger.

[00:04:15] It's fear it comes much more net it's more pleasurable to run away from scary things and it it's safer it's more comfortable we'd rather hide away than be out you know on a battlefield.

[00:04:26] So the soldier who's running headlong into battle because there are thrill junk and then you don't care about their own safety.

[00:04:33] There's still something stupid about that but it's better than the person who's terrified of everything that because the terror there's its more in line with our fallen nature.

[00:04:45] So the advice that's more in line with our fallen nature is the worst one and the advice that is contrary to our nature still bad but it's better.

[00:04:54] And virtues about getting it exactly right which is really difficult to do it's about hitting the bullseye of the target exactly right there are millions of ways to get it wrong, but there's still you know you can get closer to the center you can further out you can miss the bullseye target completely but they're not equally bad.

[00:05:13] You're probably right about which one we naturally gravitate towards more would be cowardice. Yeah. I find that if you know that you need to have a hard conversation with somebody and you can sort of gas light yourself into not having it by saying well patience or grace.

[00:05:36] I have sin many times or all these types of things it's sort of like the the the log in the eye. Yeah, deal that Jesus talks about where people what it's supposed to be expressing is.

[00:05:51] Be humble yourself when you confront somebody else right get the log out of your eye handle yourself if you're committing that same sin deal with that yourself.

[00:05:58] And then you confront your brother like you don't just go oh I have a log to I'm not going to say anything because I don't want him to point out my log.

[00:06:04] Right, but you actually deal with your own junk and then you can actually go and confront somebody or exhort them or whatever. But cowardice definitely you feel that I mean nobody likes conflict nobody likes some people do some people do the rash people.

[00:06:20] Okay, so you may need to be correct.

[00:06:23] They're even they're better than the person who's being cowardly. They're not ideal but still like they've overcome that initial fear that's so deeply in our fallen nature that they've actually done something a little bit admirable, but they've just gone too far right so it is better but it's still not ideal and what happens so often is if you struggle with cowardice and you see somebody who's brave.

[00:06:47] Or you see somebody who's just being brash. You look at that and go oh I want to avoid that right when that's probably you're never going to have to worry about that that's not what you're doing with you know what I mean but you can look at that and say it's almost as if you're saying.

[00:07:06] I don't want to be I don't want to say these hard things they don't want to have these hard conversations because I don't want to end up like that brash person over there when really that's it's a little bit of a bait and switch you're saying.

[00:07:20] I'm assuming that you're going to struggle with that advice and you don't. Right the invisible advice you struggle with is actually your your fear of man you don't actually want to do something that's hard it's going to affect the way that you look.

[00:07:34] Your reputation or something like that yeah and it might actually be good for the cowardly person to try to emulate the rash person to do the reckless thing.

[00:07:43] You try to emulate it you won't go as far as exactly because you've got the natural tendency pull you towards the fear but you're you know you're aiming in that direction so hopefully you get closer to to courage.

[00:07:53] Right yeah all we're going to naturally restrain yourself because of your your cowardice yeah I mean we in revelation 21.

[00:08:02] The cowardly they're the first one on the list of those who are committed to like a fire along with the section moral and I doleaders and sorcerers yeah so it's a big deal to be cowardly.

[00:08:13] The cow the way some of the church fathers interpret that passage of cowardice is they think that it's cowardice that prevents you from going through with martyrdom.

[00:08:22] So in a lot of church fathers and this is Aquinas as well they pitted against so fortitude or courage is the is the virtue that you need to like go through with martyrdom in the face of death.

[00:08:33] What virtue keeps you doing that what we're too allows you to be a martyr and cowardice is the vice where you so are moved by fear that you're willing to deny Christ.

[00:08:44] That for them and so they place it at the front of the list because of that we're so soft I mean we are it's it's rough I mean to think about that.

[00:08:56] That cowardice is more natural to us in general to most people I think it's because we are really well if the way air subtle talks about it he says by nature we crave pleasure and so we gravitate towards that which is most pleasurable.

[00:09:13] And so when something is dangerous or fearful the pleasurable thing quote unquote is to stay inside and to retreat and the painful thing is to go into danger.

[00:09:23] So this is why the more you retreat into pleasure the more you gravitate away from the pain to that extent you are basically living into your fallen nature so you're sinning more.

[00:09:35] So cowardice is us trying to acquire pleasure from the avoidance of danger and so it's worse for that reason.

[00:09:45] And the person who rushes headlong into danger there they might be doing it because it's pleasurable and they get a thrill out of it but they're still risking some kind of pain.

[00:09:53] So it's not totally in line with the fallen nature or it is but to a different in a different way in a way that still looks like courage a little bit.

[00:10:02] Because the courageous person can still stand in the face of fear right the rash person just does that too much or in a way that doesn't care about his own safety at all in a way that would be bad for him.

[00:10:14] It's considered somewhere that so you want to fight for what's behind you not what's in front of you in a sense of you're not just you don't just love the battle you love what you're fighting for. So if you're being chased by a tiger you're fighting for the.

[00:10:27] Okay whatever. I think the whole point is there would be some people just love the fight and they get a thrill out of the fight which is not good. You fighting to defend something worth defending or are you just like.

[00:10:39] Or to any of something worth advocating for yeah and but that that pleasure so both can have elements of pleasure but it seems like. The person who's who loves the battle is willing to find anybody for pleasure well that's not good right but it's a little better.

[00:10:54] Then the other way of pleasure seeking by being cowardly and not saying anything and not standing for anything. And that's a hard virtue to cultivate that actual courage what are ways that you see.

[00:11:06] Concretely people being cowardly well I mean when we look at scripture for example we get really overt examples of cowardice like Abraham offering his wife several times because he's so scared of being killed he lies about and says this is my sister.

[00:11:21] David when he kills you raya because he's afraid of the social consequences and then pilot when he gives up Jesus to be tortured and killed because he's afraid of the response of the crowds like these are grand examples of cowardice and these are like paradigmatic examples.

[00:11:37] But when you think about like in our daily lives we're not dealing with you know sentencing people to death we're not dealing with.

[00:11:44] But the case is that you brought up cases where it's you know you have to have a conversation with someone that you don't want to have where you have to tell them something difficult and it's going to.

[00:11:54] Probably bring some conflict about it's going to make you feel awful in my strain the relationship and put some tension in it. That like the the shine away from that that is that's cowardice being afraid to say the right thing being afraid to have the difficult conversation.

[00:12:12] Spiritual sense Aquinas talks about courage being needed even to pray and boldly approach the throne of of grace.

[00:12:19] That you need courage to do that you have to see yourself in a certain light you have to see yourself as you know there is therefore no condemnation for me even though I see myself as a sinner so.

[00:12:29] Right lens to see yourself through and on the opt-in you can also see yourself over boldly and be presumptuous in your request to God and have a sense of entitlement when you come to the throne of grace.

[00:12:41] So you want to avoid both extremes but courage helps you even pray well to see God right to have relationships with people. And so cowardice undermines relationships and undermines your ability to in like practice spiritual disciplines and it affects how you see yourself too.

[00:12:59] Aquinas is saying that you need courage to pray well. Yeah, so if.

[00:13:04] To see God okay to see God to come before the throne you have to I mean if if your vision of God is if you're terrified of God in the sense that you can't even approach God for prayer.

[00:13:19] That's a bad thing there's a kind of healthy fear that's a reverence right so you don't want to overshoot that.

[00:13:24] But still there's a kind of courage that's needed see as Lewis talks about this in the great divorce when he has the the cowards they can't get close to the mountain of God.

[00:13:33] They want to stay on the outside because they're scared they feel the pain of as they get closer. So you need fortitude and your spirit to enjoy God and all of his full terror and might which is a little bit more abstract but I think it's it's a.

[00:13:47] It's a it's a it's a way of thinking about cowardice encourage that we don't typically reflect on. Do you think they Christians lack assertiveness? Yeah, I think it's probably tied in with cowardice. We don't I mean assertiveness and like standing up for what's actually right and then.

[00:14:04] In the day to day of having conversations with each other that need to be had we probably air on the side of. We're too nice.

[00:14:13] We have a culture of niceness and I think we talked about this before being nice is not the same thing as being virtuous Jesus wasn't always nice Jesus sometimes offended people and courage.

[00:14:25] Sees the good that the temporary offense will accomplish someone needs to hear this message they're engaging in himself destructive behavior. And courage to say that to be willing to risk the offense and the strain of the relationship and even the pain that that's going to cause you.

[00:14:41] Right, there's a kind of fear there and cowardice is just us retreating to our comfort zones which we do all the time. It lowers conversation too I can imagine that oftentimes people were very assertive or even argumentative maybe even a little combative they actually want in opposing force.

[00:14:58] They welcome the back of the board now maybe some of them are thin skin they become over reactive but they. The assumed level of discourse is so low right that if you are assertive at all in a conversation it's.

[00:15:12] It's the overtaken window so to speak yeah what's acceptable conversation not I'm not talking about content I'm talking about way of talking. You think about like tone police yeah I don't like your tone.

[00:15:22] You know your substance is okay tone you're telling your tone you're telling your tone that can just be a way of shutting down substantive disagreement. Yeah for sure even it's assuming the decibels of a conversation I don't mean like yelling I'm getting to see the conversation.

[00:15:36] Yeah for it to be god but it's got to be you know five. I really disagree with you. Yeah, yeah or like wait first tell me nine things you agree with me about at the very end of your time kind of say what you disagree with.

[00:15:50] And it's sort of like constructive criticism yeah becomes this shibble. Yeah, essentially never actually offering any substantial critique right so and I think we all. That's is this part of the problem we can all sort of recognize the.

[00:16:09] Bulldozing person who's just angry and hyper critical that's just not controversial cage danger but to criticize the person who is unwilling to speak their mind. Who is cowardly who's flipping with their words who conceals their words, Robert socks about this a lot.

[00:16:26] The wicked person is crooked in their speech it's not merely that they say bad things but they also say dishonest things. And they're not going to be a negative thing. They're covered with sugar they're super nice but it's actually very selfish motive that's as condemned.

[00:16:41] Yeah and I think those are not as emphasize I'm not saying everybody has to be a jerk I'm just saying that most people aren't in danger of doing that. Yeah, right and the ones who are usually there's enough social.

[00:16:53] They play that they even they would know okay I probably went overboard or this is not going to get me anywhere maybe that's also the thing too. A lot of people who are very. What's the what's the opposite vice. We're just a rash. A lot of people.

[00:17:09] Probably get the sense that in normal conversations society they're running a risk. Yeah, they're like okay you know I know even though say self-consciously like I can be a little. Right.

[00:17:20] I'll give you a minute I had to try to calm down trying to work my anger and everyone goes okay cool he's working on something yeah but the person who's super nice and always gets along with everybody and never says anything.

[00:17:30] There's no social feedback to go hey you need to work on that yeah in fact there's actually social reinforcement to say that this is the kind of person that we need right when I've noticed. Man the hardest thing is when I'm trying to advocate for something.

[00:17:47] And there's other people who are. Being silent about it when I know that they agree with me, you know or and maybe there's potential reasons I'm again I don't think that we should be. Just sort of obnoxious no right but.

[00:18:04] There is this over sensitivity where people can't have frank conversation yeah I think sometimes why we react against the rash person is because. It's not just rashness it's tied up with pride.

[00:18:14] Yeah, so the person who they think they're better than everyone else in the conversation because I've read a little bit more and they just want to assert their knowledge over like the the curious person that we were talking last time the person who they have knowledge and they just want to allow it over everyone and.

[00:18:31] So we we have a reaction not it's tied up I think you're right that we are sensitive to people's assertiveness and I think that's bad but I think it's right to. To see the pride in that and want to you know I think it's better to be overly.

[00:18:47] Humble in that respect and not share your knowledge and you know want the center of attention that that's better. But in terms of like the rashness cowardice just the mirror assertiveness itself it's better to be over a certain under certain.

[00:19:01] And somebody who's rash like that they're doing social status calculations. Yes, right. This makes me seem dominant this makes me seem powerful this makes other people follow me. So I'm going to raise my esteem and other people.

[00:19:13] Right, but on the flip side the person who's cowardly is doing the same set of calculations. You can definitely be doing that. They're thinking oh I want to be seen as person who's not like that. Right, I listen. I am empathetic.

[00:19:25] I am all these types of things they're also status seeking. So there's a way in which you don't have to be pugnacious and dominating people. But it's almost like it's all a smoke screen at the end of the day what is your motive.

[00:19:40] Are you, are you, are you concerned about what is true and what is right or are you watching yourself on the monitor? Yeah. It's sort of like when people talk about people liking the sound of their own voice.

[00:19:51] Meaning they just like to talk not because of the subs of what they're saying but simply for the fact that they're saying it. Yeah. The way that they're saying is something like that. Yeah. So what are ways that we can fight against cowardice?

[00:20:03] I mean if you want to be a true Aristotelian which we all are obviously, you shoot in the other direction. You overshoot. You overcorrect. When you have a tree that's bending in one direction you don't like try to put it back in the middle.

[00:20:18] You tie it with a rope to the other side and hopefully try to get it balanced. So Aristotle and Augustin and the church fathers and Aquinas they'll say when you struggle with one vice, the way to correct is you overshoot to the other side.

[00:20:33] And basically it doesn't mean that you're going to continue to do vicious things. Your selfish tendencies will prevent you from ever getting. If you're a coward your selfish tendencies will prevent you from actually being a rash person because you're so fearful already.

[00:20:47] So what you need to do is try to aim at rationalists. So it's like imagine you're aiming your your an archer and you're aiming the arrow at the bullseye, but you know you keep dropping low.

[00:20:59] You need to overcorrect and shoot a little bit high to try to get it to the middle. So even if you're aiming at the center and you're dropping low, the way to get to the center isn't to keep aiming at the center.

[00:21:12] It's to aim a little bit higher. Maybe there's wind, maybe there's a drop, maybe the distance is whatever something is causing you to miss. So you overcorrect by trying to be even more assertive.

[00:21:22] So in your mind, you say, I am going to take this step right here and I'm going to practice a courageous action or even a rash action. But it's not actually going to be a rash action because you're already living in the realm of cowardice.

[00:21:35] So what seems rational to you actually is probably still going to be cowardly, but it's going to be closer to courage than where you currently are. You're going to be moving closer to the virtue, right? You're at least taking baby steps in the right direction.

[00:21:48] It would be like someone really physically unhealthy looking at some Instagram gym person being like, I don't want to become vain like them. Yeah. You know what they maybe they are being vain. Yeah. But I don't think that means you shouldn't exercise or even,

[00:22:02] like you see their workout plan and it's like, maybe you should actually go after that because your problem is going to be your vanity. Your problem is probably going to be your laziness. I mean, this is why I think we get like some of the extreme.

[00:22:15] So there's two ways to cultivate virtue maybe we can say it. One is the extreme way which we were outlining here. And Jesus says better to cut off your arm than to sin and then go to hell.

[00:22:26] He tells the younger rich man sell everything you have, gives it the poor because his vice was, he cared about his wealth too much, right? So those extremes sorts of commands, one way to interpret them is, Jesus is helping people over correct, right?

[00:22:42] I mean maybe you could say like no actually this is the virtue actually requires us of you. Maybe that's true but like maybe we can also interpret this as this is Jesus telling people to over correct to get them closer to sanctification.

[00:22:53] The other strategies to just do little baby steps to do what for you would be courageous. If it means if you can't have a difficult conversation with anyone, then courage could just mean sending the text and setting up.

[00:23:08] I'd like to take this moment to have a difficult conversation with you. Are you the one texting your right? You're like oh I got a text with it. I'm fine.

[00:23:17] But I was going to say part of I think what makes our friendship so good is that we can have difficult conversations. It's true. And I mean I think if you don't ever have difficult conversations in your friendship, it's probably not a good friendship.

[00:23:30] If you feel like you can't actually be frank with someone and if you feel like you have to walk on egg gels because you're not sure how they're going to take it,

[00:23:39] it means that you don't allow this person to know who you really are and how you really feel. Similarly, they're not really telling you who they really are. And so there's a kind of superficiality without assertiveness and without courage. So friendship even requires courage.

[00:23:54] That cowardice actually undermines friendship because it prevents you from truly being transparent with this other person. And think about a marriage like if you're not being transparent, if you're afraid of how this person's going to think about you, then that is going to undermine their relationship.

[00:24:10] You smell like bird cheese most of the time, bull. Did you say bird or burnt? burnt cheese. Yeah. You have a you horrible odor. That's better than burp cheese. I'm just being honest and transparent. I'm just you smell great. I smell great. Anyway.

[00:24:29] Well we'll be having a transparent with everybody here. I mean, what do you think about that? The relationship stuff, the friendship stuff. You're married. I'm not. Yeah, I think there's there's honesty. You also have to be prudent. I think. Well yes. You just want to be rash.

[00:24:47] Yeah, blow down the doors and say here are nine things that are terrible about you. But again, I don't know how many of us are prone to do that. Right. Because that's really difficult to do. Right.

[00:25:00] I think it's hard to be honest, especially with people, but you care about. And I was actually thinking more about being honest with yourself, which is tied into with your friends or honest with you. You also consider the source.

[00:25:18] You could probably say if somebody's always critical in judgmental, then you probably might be honest with something and you just want to be able to discern. Okay. A lot of this is just them being contankerous. But maybe something good here.

[00:25:30] And then you can also take less weighty people who are constantly flattering or they're always saying things. And I wonder even with friendships, is it better to have a rash friend than a cowardly one? Yeah, I think that's right.

[00:25:47] I mean, if you are brutally honest and both people are brutally honest, then you can at least call each other out for the rashness. But if you're both coward, then no one actually really knows how the other person is. You feel.

[00:25:58] And so you might, you might have a kind of superficial friendship, but you're never going to get past that. In some respects it's easy to curb. Then it is to enhance. To enhance the push forward because you can realize you're being rash and you can walk it back.

[00:26:15] And we sort of have a gauge of going, okay, I know what was too far. I can kind of reel it in. Versus it takes more effort to push forward and to go, I've got to actually gain that energy to go in front of somebody. Yeah.

[00:26:32] I would also say that if you are rash, you're still lacking courage. You're lacking the courage of humility, the lacking of courage to accept someone else's feedback. So if somebody is always offensive period because it's still a virtue like you. There you go.

[00:26:45] It's close by but it's not the virtue itself. It's still a vice technically. Okay. So you're lacking the virtue of courage because you're not listening to people. You only think about every way looks right in his own eyes type of thing and you need

[00:26:59] courage to draw you back but you still have something that's more admirable than cowardice which is the ability to assert yourself in a way that isn't beholden to the fear of man. So better to be assertive and a little bit rude than to be totally cowardly and never

[00:27:21] have this strength to face the fear of a difficult conversation or a difficult situation. Probably even throughout life if you're more rash, again, be courageous not rash, right? But if you're going to veer on one side, if you're rash it almost seems like you're

[00:27:35] going to hit more good things than if you're cowardly your whole life. And it also this requires a little bit of self diagnosis too. So if you see yourself and you think that you're coward then your strategy should

[00:27:47] be to shoot towards rashness but if you're a rash person then you actually want to over correcting the other direction too. So because it's going to be difficult for you to hit the virtue of courage, you keep overshooting right?

[00:28:00] So you might want to under shoot where the bulls eye is a little bit and then you can find great from there but like you said it's easier to curb than it is to enhance and so for that reason it's still a better way to air.

[00:28:10] So how would you go back the other way if you're rash and you want to grow and courage so you overshoot toward cowardice? Maybe practice a little bit of silence, practice not everyone needs to hear your thoughts and opinions all the time.

[00:28:25] Maybe as the two guys with a podcast. I mean we're not inflicting any. Inflicting. Yeah, that itself is telling. We ask people and be transparent, tell your friends I want to get better at this and so

[00:28:41] if I am on a line, feel free to tell me I'm trying to get better at this. I know I have a tendency of coming across as two sort of, you know. And this is one of the things where all the virtues are tied together.

[00:28:57] So to get better at courage you do have to practice a little bit of humility and temperance and love of others and all these things. So the virtue muscles kind of they go together in a package.

[00:29:09] And so you can't just work on courage by itself, but the more you love people and the more you allow God to transform you just in the current life of sanctification, the better you'll naturally become.

[00:29:21] But the practical steps are maybe don't talk as much as you normally would be transparent with people about wanting to become less rash or less crude or less rude or less domineering conversation and practice some silence. Yeah, I don't know.

[00:29:38] Part of it is just being aware that you're being cowardly. That's what we're being really. We're really helpful for stuff. Yeah, because a lot of times these are things that we don't even recognize that we're doing or that the habits and patterns.

[00:29:48] And a lot of this, you need, you right, you need practice. You only really get better at conflict by having conflict. And then someone was telling me to see other day that so many times the conflict is not, and you go to this bad as we think.

[00:30:06] Oh yeah. And when you start to see that over and over again, it gives you more of a bandwidth to have conflict which is necessary and even good. Because I think with honesty is going to come conflict. And the only way that you can have good conflict

[00:30:25] is if you have in mind this idea of courage, that that has to be a category in your mind, but you're not just, you're going, yes, this is going to be difficult. No, I'm not going to do it perfect. But my inclination is toward cowardice.

[00:30:40] So what I feel like is going to be like, I don't hope I don't crush them. I hope I'm not too hard on them. Just go for it and you just won't be. Because that's likely not going to be your issue.

[00:30:51] Now if you have enough self-winter to realize that is, then you go the other way and you say, I want to be super sensitive and go, what if I'm too coddling? What if I don't say what I mean, whatever. And just go, don't really worry about them.

[00:31:03] And that's probably your natural inclinations are going to pull you away. It's going to be a little governor on you over shooting. And you might actually encourage. That's a, I think it's a good way. You know, visual just thinking about it visually in my head.

[00:31:15] Yeah, you got to keep things like your constantly celebrating. Yeah, you're over shooting and I was shoot like I went too far that time. And then you take stock of that and that's a good life lesson. The next time you, you don't go as far,

[00:31:26] but you get feedback from the world. Think of it as like the, it's the bulls I target. You take the shot and you go higher than you wanted to go, okay, now I know not to aim that high. I got to come a little bit lower.

[00:31:36] Maybe aim too low. And then you constantly, you keep going higher, lower, higher, lower, higher, lower until you hit the exact right center. And that's, it's a lifelong process. But it's a matter of constantly one being aware of where your inclination lies

[00:31:50] and then being willing to get feedback from the environment and take stock of how the situation. When asked people to be brutally honest with you and learn from that. And a person who's more rash is gonna be more likely to do that.

[00:32:02] That's gonna give you the brutally honest. Or, or seek out. The calibration stuff, yeah. The calibration is because that requires interaction. You do something, you see the effect, right? But the calorie person is not doing something. So they don't have that feedback, right?

[00:32:14] At least the rash person is more likely to do things that will receive feedback. I mean if you make a decision, you'll see whether it goes well or not and then you get feedback. If you never make a decision, you never get that feedback.

[00:32:27] You can never grow from it and learn from it. So again, if you're gonna pick one, although you should just try to be courageous if you're gonna pick one being rash is better. Because at least you're willing to be humble enough in a sense.

[00:32:40] I see, I don't know if it's truly humble but you really need actually assert yourself into the world and then see what happens. And I really do think that a lot of the overthinking the anxiety that we all face in that our generation face

[00:32:52] and all this stuff is coming from a cowardice, a lack of courage to go forward. I think sometimes Christianity can even, it's not Christianity but a Christian ethos can play into that where it's not deified. What would the word be?

[00:33:10] We praise, we praise, we install as a Christian virtue, what might actually be cowardice. We think other so patient. They're not they're cross-like. We're picking up their cross and then we've talked about this, how the cross is an instrument of execution for people who oppose.

[00:33:32] It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's you pick up your cross because you did something that incurred the wrath of an opposing force. So all of these require this idea of forward motion and if you don't have that, it's because you lack courage.

[00:33:48] If you lack courage, you can't really follow me. You can't really do the thing that Jesus is calling for. So that's one of those things to take stock of, I don't even say that if you are somebody who you normally don't speak up a lot

[00:34:04] that the one time you do mine actually carry a lot of weight. Yeah, perhaps. A lot baby steps on the flip side though. So you do get a lot of maybe American Christianity has this virtue of we mask, niceness or timidity as a virtue.

[00:34:21] Some corners of the internet will praise like rational as the prime virtue or you know, just being a general like but whole. Like how many YouTube videos have you watched? Have you so and so destroys young punk right? Right. We see flat out like sometimes just provoke,

[00:34:41] provoking people self aggrandizement like just punching down and that's glorified as like courage. Sometimes I think sometimes that might be the case and sometimes it's now this person is just genuinely being a jerk and the courageous person hits the mean exactly right Jesus offended people sometimes and Jesus,

[00:35:01] you know, was with the most slowly of the low and was incredibly long suffering and gracious and charitable and it's about knowing where and when and what's required of you. So it's not always gonna be the same response that's required but having wisdom to know when it's

[00:35:17] required and being able to act on the right motive that you're not just doing this for pride, you're not just doing this because you want to punch down. You're not just doing this because you want views on YouTube. So yeah we can prioritize lots of vices

[00:35:29] and virtues depending on which cultural spot we act by. So if you're struggling and saying I might be cowardly in this moment is there a conversation with avoiding to help the conversation, to help decision making process, you could say in your mind,

[00:35:43] well I know a more prone to cowardice. So maybe I'm just gonna do this. I'm just going to decide to do it because my natural inclination will stop me from going overboard. And I also need to grow in this area. It's a good practice yeah.

[00:35:58] That's the only way to get them virtue like to get courage if to do courageous things. It takes courage to take criticism too. Yeah. That's not an easy thing. I mean I don't like criticism. I don't think anybody like enjoys it

[00:36:10] but you have to cultivate the humility to say I'm gonna courageously hear what someone's criticism would be and try to apply it. Or even just courageously disagree with their criticism and move on. I don't know. I mean courage if it's bad criticism sure.

[00:36:27] Right right, but I never give bad criticism or you're right never, never. That was spot on. Well that was a really helpful way to talk through it. And I think that metric or that idea of overshooting and over correcting is a way to actually get

[00:36:41] to the virtue of depending on what your natural inclinations are. It's helpful and I think that's gonna help with the rest of the conversation we're gonna have. So I'm looking forward to talking more. We're gonna talk about shyness is a device. We're gonna talk about in-sets activities.

[00:36:55] In-sets activities. In-sets activities. Pucing and limiting. That's yeah, that disease that you have or whatever you just said. And so it would be a good conversation but we'll have those come out in the next couple weeks. So stay tuned in, speed be a good series.